Can't We Just Be Everything?
by after2am
Summary: Nick and Jeff have been best friends since the day they started at Dalton. This is the story of how they begin that friendship, figure themselves out and maybe, perhaps eventually fall in love. M for swearing, sexual situations in later chaps.
1. Cos' I'm Doing Everything For You

Nick thinks it's ridiculous how close you get to people when you go to boarding school with them.

You see each other every damn day, you sleep in dorms with them, you see them first thing in the morning at breakfast, you see them in classes, and you see most of them during the weekend when there's absolutely nothing to do. People tend to bond quickly when they're bored out of their fucking brains and will come up with the weirdest shit to entertain themselves.

When he looks back at the early stages of his friendship with Jeff, Nick just remembers a blur of scenes. He and Jeff playing pranks on the better half of the boys in Birch house, cracking up over some stupid inside joke that absolutely no one but the two of them would ever find funny, scribbling notes on the covers on each other's binders in particularly boring classes. Well, the interesting classes too.

The point is that most of his Dalton memories, up until now, at the age of sixteen, involve Jeff in some way.

It's not that they're dependent on each other.

No – it's just that from his first day at this school, Jeff has always just been there. Looking back to his first five minutes at Dalton – when he walked into his shared dorm room one day a few weeks into the term and saw this kind of dopey looking blond kid unpacking his stuff on the other side of the room – Nick thinks that maybe they were destined to have this kind of friendship.

He doesn't know how but they somehow ended up becoming "the best friends"; the two guys that never really seem to be apart. They don't spend every second of the day together, of course, that would just be ridiculous - but Nick knows that when he walks into the common room alone, people will ask "where's Jeff?"

Nick's fine with that. It's pretty cool that they're like that.

They're friends for a fair few reasons. Good reasons and bad ones; reasons that aren't really that important and some that really, really are.

The first reason, one of the less important ones, is that when Jeff came to Dalton, he was put into the same house as Nick: Birch House. Strangely, all the houses at Dalton were very originally named after fucking trees.

Jeff chose to be put in Birch, because the animal mascot is a frog, and how freaking cool is that?

Nick is in Birch because his father had been. Simple shit, really.

Jeff spent his first few nights at Dalton in an empty dorm and then somehow ended up being moved into Nick's dorm because Nick's former room mate had spent his first two months at Dalton crying, feeling homesick, and generally being an irritating mess before his parents took him home. Jeff could kind of see where the guy was coming from, though. Dalton was a long way from home and he may have cried a tiny bit (into his pillow) on his first night, but that soon disappeared with all the awesome new friends he was making.  
>Like Nick.<p>

The second reason that Nick and Jeff became friends (best friends, if you want to split hairs) was because Jeff has this fucking badass guitar.

Well actually, he has two fucking badass guitars.

One acoustic, which Jeff keeps in a case in their dorm room, but the other one's electric. It's bright red and completely awesome. However, Jeff has to keep his completely badass electric guitar in the music wing because playing electric guitar in a dorm room where people do homework is really not practical. According to most of their teachers.

Jeff's first impression of Nick was that the other boy really liked his posters. Like, really liked his posters. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the colourful pictures decorating Nick's side of their shared dorm room, and when Jeff asked about them, Nick just grinned and mumbled something about being a photography nerd.

Jeff didn't mind, he liked that Nick had cool stuff on his wall. Lots of the guys didn't, and that scary Wes guy just had rehearsal calendars and a huge poster of Katy Perry. That was kind of weird. But no, Nick wasn't weird; Nick was fun and awesome and undeniably cool.

Jeff was pretty cool with having this guy as a roommate.

Jeff himself covered the wall above his desk with posters of bands and singers, mainly just rock bands at first, but as he settled into Dalton and realized that no one was going to judge him here, he also put up a few programmes and posters from various musicals.

Nick liked his pictures, he pointed out the musicals he'd been to on his recent trip to London over the summer (Nick had super rich parents) and the bands he liked. They had similar tastes, it turned out.

After seeing Jeff's guitars on that first night, Nick told Jeff he'd always wanted to play the guitar but his parents had paid for lessons for pretty much every other instrument. Of course, Nick was excellent at these instruments; he could play piano, violin, cello, and flute, not to mention he was trying out for the Warblers because 'he decided he needed a fun hobby'.

Sometimes, Jeff questioned Nick's levels of sanity.

Nick was great at all of this stuff, but, as he'd said, he wanted to learn guitar. And as fate would have it, Jeff was pretty good at guitar; so one day he grabbed his case, pulled out the instrument and sat down on his bed, telling Nick this was his first lesson.

Neither Nick or Jeff would remember this in the following years, but this was probably the moment they started being best friends.

Nick was pretty smart, like, crazy smart. He was a really fast learner when it came to guitar, probably because he was already so good at all those other instruments. Jeff doesn't really know if that's how it works, he's only ever really played guitar and drums. He doesn't think drums are really the same thing.

Jeff, even though he'd never really thought of himself as a teacher before (because his Mom's a teacher and he found it really weird when she taught him for a year in middle school), was starting to see that maybe this was something he was good at.

Dalton really was showing him new and different parts of himself that he'd never noticed before, not all of them good, but most of them not bad either. He'd always thought of himself as a pretty shy, quiet guy. At middle school, he'd always had a steady group of friends to kick around with, play soccer and guitar with, but here at Dalton, it seemed like he could finally break out of his shell and find out who he really was.

So, he spent most evenings during those first few months holed up in the dorm room with Nick Owens, teaching him songs, watching the other boys' fingers awkwardly make up the more difficult chords before his fingers loosened and he got used to stretching them across the frets.

He laughed when Nick complained about the calluses that were starting to build up on his otherwise soft fingers, called him a spoiled rich brat, but Nick never got mad, just laughed back and blushed.

In classes they sat together, slowly building up a group of friends between the two of them. When Warbler auditions came around, Jeff went along to support Nick, who took the whole thing far too seriously, in his opinion.

But yeah, Nick's father was a Dalton (and Warbler) alumni, and yeah, sometimes it seemed to Jeff that Mr. Owens forgot that his only son had opinions of his own. Nick never complained though. Jeff knew that Nick really did want to be a Warbler, no matter how stressful the audition process was. So, of course, he went along and auditioned right beside him, because that's what friends (and awesome room mates) do.

Nick was pretty stressed the day of the audition and didn't eat anything until Jeff and Trent force fed him a salad at lunch. Trent had just laughed, but Jeff knew that for whatever reason this whole thing was really important to Nick; it was just one of those things that Nick took really seriously. So he stayed close to his friend for the rest of the afternoon, made sure Nick's drink bottle was full and distracted him with funny doodles on his World History folder.

The actual interview was fine, if not a bit formal and (in Jeff's opinion) over the top. He'd heard Nick sing before in their dorm, and he knew he'd be fine. The other boy was a smooth, strong tenor, and Jeff wouldn't admit it to Nick's face, but he actually really liked hearing Nick sing.

As fate would have it, it turned out that Jeff actually had a pretty decent voice himself and a nice wide range.

Nick had laughed and shook his head when the list of successful applicants had gone up the Monday after their audition, with both their names on it. Jeff smiled and shrugged, joking that he got in because he was just that awesome, but later as they lay in their beds in their room, he'd felt like he needed to say something.

"Hey, Nick... you awake?" he'd whispered across the divide between their beds.

"Yeah... what's up?" Nick answered after a few seconds, sounding awake but a bit strange, like he'd been waiting for Jeff to say something.

Jeff rolled onto his side so he was facing Nick, even though it wasn't really like he could see him in the dark of their room.

"You're not mad at me or anything are you?" he threw it out there, not being able to come up with anything better or more delicate.

He could almost feel Nick thinking in the silence of the dorm. Again, the boy took a while to answer.

"About what, man?"

Jeff was pretty sure that Nick knew what he was talking about. He usually did. However, it was almost like he had to ask, in a way. Sometimes it was almost awkward how in tune they were. So, he went on.

"I know that, um, being in the Warblers is a big deal for you, and you spent a lot of time practicing and stuff. I just hope you're okay with me getting in too. You know, because I wasn't really planning on it. I can tell them I don't want to be in the club, if you want. I mean, it would be fun to be a Warbler with you, but not if you don't want..."

"Jeff. You really need to stop that."

Jeff was kind of lost.

"Stop... stop what?"

Nick just let out a laugh and Jeff heard his bedcovers rustling as he turned to face him.

"You're too _nice_. Stop being such a good person."  
>Jeff was pretty sure no one had ever said that to him before. He didn't know if he was supposed to be pissed or say thanks. He just settled for:<p>

"What the fuck are you talking about, man?"

Nick laughed again.

"Jeff, I'm maybe _slightly pissed_ at you, I won't deny that I was a tiny bit irritated that this happened so easily for you when it's the only thing my dad has talked to me about since I started this school. If you hadn't noticed, Jeff, the Warblers have a bit of a thing about honour and tradition. Because my dad was one, it's a pretty big deal that I am too, and I guess I wanted to live up to that, or whatever."

Jeff rolled onto his back. He still didn't really get what Nick meant with the 'being a good person' comment. But he was pretty happy that they're still cool and Nick wasn't really mad at him.

"Well," he said, "you did. You're a Warbler."

"I am," Nick replied. He sounded like he was smiling.

Nick continued. "And so are you. To be honest, I'm really glad you did, it's a bit intimidating now that I think about it. Also, I have to put it out there - that Wes kid terrifies me. Jeff snorted.

"Thank fuck, I thought it was just me."

Over their four years at Dalton, the boys cement their friendship that started with a guitar lesson and a show choir audition. They room together through most of their time at the school, requesting each other as roommates when they get a choice. They find themselves separated in classes, more often than not, due to the fact that the teachers seem to have zoned in on them as a 'source of distraction' to each other.

Nick thinks that's a bit unfair. They just like having a bit of fun, that's all.

Short sheeting and flipping the occasional mattress in the dorms isn't anything people should really take seriously.

That time Trent woke up with his eyebrows missing was just plain hilarious.

They paid to replace the carpet in that corner of the chemistry store room that they somehow set on fire (Nick will neither confirm nor deny that a large amount of magnesium wire was involved).

They really just enjoy having a bit of fun. Dalton's a great school, it's a super interesting, super old place, but Nick and Jeff sometimes feel that it's a bit uptight.

It's less uptight when they're replacing Thad's shampoo with peroxide.

******  
>It's in sophomore year that things start to feel a bit off kilter.<p>

For Jeff, anyway.

You see, he's always been a fairly onto it guy. He prides himself on being that way, being put together like that. He knows who he is; he has his friends, he has Nick, he has his daily routine, and the Warblers. Or so he thinks.

Nick stays at Dalton during most of the short holidays and long weekends they get. It's not that Jeff doesn't want to see his family, he does, it's just that when given the choice between being lectured by his parents and bugged all holidays by his little brother and spending time with Nick, he'd choose Nick any day.

Jeff's family lives too far away for him to go home very often. It's a pity, Nick spent Christmas there one year when his parents were in the Bahamas and absolutely LOVED it. The Galvens are amazing people, and Jeff has two brothers, so it's not like an extra mouth to feed really a difference. Nick sometimes wishes his family could be more like the Galvens. He's an only child, so Christmas is usually just him and his parents, sometimes his grandparents, who insist on asking him if he has a girlfriend about every half an hour.

Jeff's family home is amazing, cozy and in Nicks opinion, perfect.

Jeff admitted once that he was embarrassed that his house wasn't as nice as Nick's; they didn't have a pool or a gym or any of that kind of thing.

To be honest, the first time Jeff went to Nick's house he was terrified. The Owens have a housekeeper and a gardener.

They have _horses_.

Compared to Nick's house, Jeff feels like he lives in a cardboard box.

He constantly apologizes to Nick for the mess, the crap his brothers leave everywhere, the 'organised chaos' as his mother calls it.  
>Nick absolutely loves it.<p>

Over Christmas, Jeff starts spending even more holidays at Dalton. He says it's because it's becoming harder for his parents to pick him up all the time with all the work they are doing and so he can keep his grades up, but the truth is (although he would never admit it) that he doesn't want Nick to have to spend all that time by himself. The larger part of the break is spent watching movies in the Birch House room and seeing what school rules they can break with only a few people on campus while still causing a respectable amount of trouble.

The workload at Dalton is becoming harder, and they find themselves bent over books in the library more often than not. They still study together, still room together and Jeff still gives Nick those weekly guitar lessons. In return, Nick starts teaching him the piano. Jeff's a fast learner and the Dalton music wing becomes a new haunt of theirs.

Of course, as with any boy's school, especially one where they all basically live together, the big subject is girls.

Especially in the first few months of sophomore year.

Dalton is basically out in the middle of nowhere, on the outskirts of Westerville, and the closest the boys can really get to any form of normal contact with the feminine species is with the ladies of Crawford County Day.

Crawford is their sister school and also the closest school to them for miles, so it makes sense that about seventy-five percent of the Dalton boys are dating Crawford Girls. Occasionally, the school puts on co-ed dances, reasonably formal events that are usually preceded by dinner and a soiree by the Warblers.

Jeff kind of hates the things. He's kind of confused by girls in general, really.

He likes girls, well, he doesn't not like them. They're always really nice to him; he just doesn't understand how some of the guys get so dumb around silly giggling girls in those silly Crawford school skirts.

Jeff doesn't really get the way the guys talk about girls - he kind of just _doesn't get what the big deal is_.

For him, the fact that the other boys are all spending their Saturday nights off campus with their respective girlfriends makes him feel a little more apart from everyone else. He spends less time with the friends he and Nick made last year and more with just Nick.

It all starts to make a bit more sense one day when he's talking to David after a practice and realises that David's actually sort of really good looking. Then he realises that he's thought this for a while, and maybe that's something he should be paying attention to.

He suffers through a whole semester of miserably crushing on David and getting butterflies in his stomach every Warbler practice. It's  
>stupid, he knows, because David's had a girlfriend for over a year now and is definitely not interested, but it helps him figure out the reason he'd never really looked twice at any of the Crawford girls.<p>

The next time he goes home for a break, he tells his older brother that he thinks he likes guys. It's not really what he'd expected. He at least thought he'd get some interrogation, some teasing, maybe?

Just... something.

He just gets a huge hug and told that if he ever needs to talk, he can just pick up the phone.

Jeff figures that he should probably wait to tell his parents, not because he's worried that they'll be angry or anything, just because he thinks he should probably figure this out for himself before laying something that big on them.

For Nick, his sexuality is becoming something more vibrant, more in the forefront of his mind. He's experimented a bit, dated girls, and he knows that he likes kissing them, likes it in a physical way that makes him feel wanted, but in the end it's like it doesn't really feel _right_ to him. Nick will never admit it, because he's trying to keep up his reputation as a bit of a bad-ass, but he's sort of a romantic. He wants something big, something real.

He thinks maybe he has a few screws loose.

Until the something real he was waiting for happens.

It sneaks up on him, comes completely out of left field. Everything goes from slightly confusing to a whole lot worse.

Nick starts to realise that he does have feelings; he is capable of noticing someone in that way.

He starts noticing Jeff.

It's little things at first, like wanting to brush Jeff's ridiculous blond fringe out of his eyes when it falls into his eyes in class. His heart speeding up when he messes up a guitar chord (which was happening a lot lately) and Jeff corrects it by covering his hand with his own.

By September of junior year, Nick's having issues with just being in the same room as Jeff. Which is highly unfortunate for him, seeing as they fucking live together.

By December, Nick Owens is about ninety-five percent sure he's falling in love with his best friend. 


	2. Because I Love to Be Near You

Nick has never had feelings for a boy before.

If he's completely honest, he's not sure he's really had feelings for anyone before. He guesses that he's had a few crushes, at least very vague ones.

He's dated two girls in his time at Dalton, both Crawford girls, because he figured that was what he was supposed to do. At Dalton, the general policy is that when a girl asks you out, you say fucking yes. It's the sort of attitude that is born out of a severe lack of options.

Maybe he's gay, he's pretty much okay with that idea, but he's pretty sure that he isn't. He really liked his most recent girlfriend, Allie, and the only reason he broke up with her was because he knew it wasn't fair to her that her boyfriend was in love with someone else.

That's not what he told her, but it still stands.

The point is, Nick doesn't know for the life of him whether he's gay, bi, straight, or a polka-dotted alpaca. He thinks he might be losing his mind.

It's just Jeff. Brilliant, affable, idiotically cute Jeff who is never far from Nick's side.

Nick has no clue how to deal with this.

He thinks it would be easier if it was anyone but Jeff. He's pretty sure Jeff isn't into guys... He would have said something, wouldn't he? Nick likes to think that he would have. He knows that Jeff has never shown any interest in girls, but that could mean any number of things.

He wishes he had some idea of how to approach the subject without making a complete fool of himself.

Nick wonders if there's any way he could get out of rooming with Jeff. At the same time, he knows that if he really, really wanted to change rooms, he would have figured out a way by now.

It just makes it so much harder, the fact that no matter what, when he's at Dalton, he sees Jeff once a day.

They're always together, whether they're watching movies in the dorm, sitting together in class, or just making Dalton day to day life just that little bit more insane. He doesn't feel right when Jeff isn't by his side, it's a cliché, but it's like missing a limb.

The way Nick sees it, it's starting to look like these feelings aren't going away. It's starting to look like this isn't just a silly crush or a delusion.

The first time he feels anything out of the ordinary is one night in the common room. It's just another movie night, it's a Friday so the weekly boarders have left and it's just him, Jeff, Wes, and some of Wes' friends from Ash House just hanging out.

They're watching _Zombieland_, because come on, zombies.

Also, Nicks pretty sure Wes has a huge crush on Emma Stone that he's been hiding from them for a long time, judging from the way he comments on every line she speaks in the film.

The point is, somewhere between throwing Skittles at a giggling Wes and shaking the Coke they're sharing so the next person to open it gets a face-full, Jeff comes back from the bathroom and practically throws himself at Nick, landing on his lap and sending popcorn and candy flying.

Nick makes an undignified "hrmph-ing noise and punches Jeff lightly in the chest before shoving him off and settling in beside him.

"You weigh a ton," Nick says.

Jeff snorts. "Whatever."

They turn their attention back to the movie and Jeff snuggles up to Nick's side.

Yeah, so they cuddle now. Maybe it's weird, but it's just them. Nick realized early on that Jeff was a very cuddly person, and well, he guesses that maybe that's something he never knew about himself, because he's actually a pretty cuddly person, too.

A few hours later, they've moved on from _Zombieland_ and onto _The Dark Knight_ and during a bleak conversation about how much they miss Heath Ledger and how much they all cried when he died, Jeff nods off and slides onto Nick's lap.

Nick smiles softly and rests his hand on Jeff's head, unconsciously moving a soft lock of blonde hair away from his friend's eyes.

Jeff sighs in his sleep and snuggles further into Nick's chest, softly mumbling "stop moving, pillow".

Nick gets a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach.

_The fuck._

Jeff stays there for the next hour as Nick sinks deeper and deeper into the realization that Jeff's possibly the best and most awesome thing he's ever seen in his whole life.

And he can't even begin to process what the hell that means.

He pushes the feelings away, shoves them down into himself, and that seems to work for a few weeks. He tries to hold onto the shred of sanity that he manages to salvage from his messed up emotions.

It works for a while.

Then it just gets worse.

Nick sees Jeff every day when he's at Dalton, no exception.

In addition to sharing a room, they take every class together except for AP World History. They sit together in all of their shared classes, that's just the way it's always been. Outside school hours, there's Warblers practices, and seeing as they're usually assigned to the same part it's not like Nick can get out of sitting by Jeff at those.

Jeff's fast becoming one of the best dancers in the Warblers, he has a sense of coordination and rhythm that's completely lost on Nick, although Jeff tells him he makes up for it with his enthusiasm.

Nick's not too sure if that counts as a good thing, but if Jeff tells him he's doing okay he'll believe him.

Nick finds himself practicing dance moves with Jeff in their dorm after Warbler's rehearsal, something that usually ends with them giggling on the floor at his lack of coordination.

Nick loves those nights, even if he doesn't think his dancing's getting any better. He likes that he can make Jeff laugh, reduce him to a breathless pile of ridiculous snorting giggles.

Mostly he loves that they can still have fun, that even with his decidedly-not platonic feelings messing up his side of the friendship, they can still be them, for now at least.

Maybe it will all be okay.

He wishes that it could be just a silly crush, just a few feelings here and there, but well, he's a teenage boy.

He's having problems keeping his thoughts PG and not staring at inappropriate times.

The main problem is that he sees Jeff with his shirt off far too often for his own sanity.

Jeff really just isn't a self conscious kind of guy. He doesn't need to be, at least as far as Nick is concerned (and well yeah, maybe he's a little biased).

Nick thinks Jeff has an amazing body.

He's on the skinny side of toned, he has broad shoulders and a small smattering of blonde hair on his chest leading down into his underwear... Not that Nick's looked.

Not at all.

So sue him.

He's a teenage boy.

It's two weeks before the Christmas break, and Nick's sitting on the windowsill of the dorm room.

Jeff has tutoring, and he's bored out of his brain with only _The Great Gatsby_ for company, and as much as Wes tries to convince him that the book gets better, Nick doesn't see how a crazy chick crying over someone's shirts counts as a social commentary.

Flopping onto Jeff's unmade bed, which looks far more comfortable than his own, Nick half-heartedly throws the book at the wall.

"If Wes saw you doing that, he'd probably cry," Jeff states as he closes the door behind him.

"Wes can go jump in a lake," Nick tones, not looking up from where he's face-planted into Jeff's pillow.

Jeff chuckles and sits down on the bed, dipping it slightly.

"Someone's in a good mood."

"Go fuck yourself," Nick mumbles.

"Well I could, but you're on my bed."

Nick blindly kicks out at where he thinks Jeff is and manages to hit an arm. Jeff just giggles and bounces further onto the bed, snuggling into Nick's side.

Too fucking close for comfort, but Nick can't ever bring himself to push Jeff away.

Jeff feels cold, so Nick pulls him closer and throws part of the blanket over him.

"My mum called," Nick says, mainly just to be saying something.

"They're having Christmas in Australia this year, something to do with a cruise ship. That'd be so weird, right? Christmas in summer? I can't imagine it."

Jeff turns to look at him. "So, you'll be alone at Christmas? Again?"

Trust him to take that from the conversation.

Nick meets Jeff's gaze.

"I don't mind, you know that."

"I know that's what you tell people."

They fall silent for a while. Nick doesn't know what to say to that.

"I know! You can come stay at my house!" Jeff says excitedly.

"Jeff, Christmas is a family thing, I can't do that."

"Nick. My mum loves you. It won't even make a difference, there's usually so many people there anyway."

"It seems rude or something..."

"Now you're just being stupid."

"No, I'm not."

"You are, Nicky. You've stayed there before for Christmas, what's the difference?"

_I wasn't in love with you then._

Jeff's looking at him with his eyebrows raised, looking vaguely threatening.

Sometimes Nick wonders what good he did in his life to deserve Jeff as a friend.

"Okay. Thank you."

So they end up going to Jeff's place for Christmas.

Jeff's family home is just outside Columbus, it's a large converted farmhouse on a decent-sized property. Nick can't even put his finger on what it is he loves so much about Jeff's place, but he suspects one of the main things he loves is that it's nothing like his own.

He stays in Jeff's room, just like every time he's stayed over since he was thirteen. Jeff's room is pretty awesome, it's at the top of the house where the attic used to be and at the top of a narrow staircase.

People usually leave them alone when they're up there because it's too much of a pain in the ass to climb the stairs. If Jeff's mom wants them she usually just yells from the landing and if his brothers are looking for him they don't even bother to yell, texting works just as well.

Jeff's two brothers, Jon and Jake, are like the siblings Nick always wanted but never had.

Jon's three years older than Jeff and is in the Marines, so Jeff doesn't really get to see him too often.

Nick loves the way Jeff is around his brothers. He fights with Jake like nobody's business, but he tells Nick that it's just a brother thing. Nick doesn't think he's ever going to understand that at all, but it's funny to watch Jeff yell at Jake when he steals his shit or skates down the stairs outside his room.

Jon's quieter than the other two, but Nick can tell he's a really good big brother. He likes to ask Nick how he's doing at school and to tell him and Jeff to keep out of trouble (which is really hypocritical because Nick knows that the reason he's in the military in the first place is because Jeff's dad was worried he was going off the rails a bit).

He also has a habit of messing up Jeff's hair and telling him he needs a haircut. Jeff does not approve.

That Christmas, the Christmas in the middle of their junior year, is one of the best Nick has ever had. There's less of Jeff's family around than the last Christmas he spent there, but the house is still full and cozy.

One night, they're sitting on Jeff's bed watching _Torchwood_ when Jon texts Jeff saying that he's at the bottle store. He asks them if they want anything and says that if they say anything to Jeff's mum he'll kill them in many new and creative ways.

Jeff looks at Nick and raises his eyebrows.

"Wanna?" he asks.

Nick grins. "Hell yeah."

He's never really been drunk before, and he figures he should try it eventually. He and Jeff always do everything else together, why not this? He realises that it could get, well, embarrassing, and he knows that this is a situation where he really needs to try and keep his mouth shut.

_Right, activating 'Nick the friend' mode, not 'Nick the hopeless flirt' mode._

It's strange, but he's actually pretty good at that.

About an hour later, Jon comes home and brings a bag up to Jeff's room, pulling out a bottle of honey flavoured vodka and puts it on Jeff's nightstand. He grins.

"Don't have too much fun, boys."

Nick kind of feels like he has no idea what he's getting himself into.

Jeff grabs the bottle and grins. "This should be fun," he says. "What do you wanna do? We could like, get smashed and watch a movie?"

Nick grins. "Sure."

An hour later, they're giggling on Jeff's bed, _Avatar_ playing forgotten in the background.

Nick feels dizzy and happy, he's here in Jeff's room, and he's in an extremely happy place because Jeff stopped caring about personal boundaries about twenty minutes ago.

Jeff's head is wedged in between his neck and his shoulder and all Nick can concentrate on is how awesome his hair smells. He's feeling exceptionally brave, so he brings his hand up to stroke Jeff's head.

Shit his hair is soft.

They've been talking complete shit for a while now, and Nick smiles as he grabs the bottle of vodka from Jeff and takes a swig.

This is so why they're best friends.

Even with all of this crap between them, on his side, anyway, he still feels the most like himself when he's with Jeff.

"Jeff, Your family is awesome. Have I told you that?"

Nick knows he's slurring his words a bit, but he doesn't really care.

He feels Jeff giggle against his side. "You're just saying that because my brother bought us alcohol."

Nick squeezes Jeff, just because he can. "No, I mean, seriously. They're awesome. I wish I had your parents."

Jeff rolls on to his back, a serious expression crossing his face. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks like he's thinking hard about something.

"I guess they're pretty cool," he replies. "Jon's been pretty awesome lately,"

"Hmm."

Jeff's quiet for a while, and Nick wonders if he's maybe fallen asleep. When he speaks, he's quiet and sounds nervous. "Hey Nicky... can I tell you something? And you can't like, hate me or anything, okay?"

Nick smiles over at him. "I could never hate you, Jeff. What's up?"

Jeff looks in the general direction of the TV, away from Nick.

"I... I think I like guys, Nicky."

Wow. Well, he was not expecting that. Nick's heart starts pounding as he starts to realise what this means.

Jeff's gay.

_Jeff. Is gay._

Maybe there is actually a snowball's chance in hell that he has a shot here.

_Okay. Get yourself together, Owens. Man up._

Nick runs a hand through his hair, collecting his thoughts.

"Jeff, how could you ever think that I'd hate you for something like that?"

Jeff's definitely avoiding his eyes. That will not do. Nick shifts and sits up, tilting Jeff's chin up and making the other boy look at him. Jeff's eyes are strangely serious for someone who had been drinking straight vodka for the last hour.

He looks vulnerable, open and adorable, and Nick just wants to hold him and tell him he'll keep him safe from everything that could ever possibly hurt him.

"Jeff," he says, "you're my best friend, and for the record, I'm completely okay with all that stuff."

_More okay than you can even guess._

"I'm glad you told me," he continues, smiling gently at his friend," and I hope you know that I'm here for you, okay?"

Jeff is still quiet, but he nods.

"You're awesome, Nick. I was a bit worried... I know that your parents are a bit conservative and it would have really sucked if you turned out to have a problem with me..."

Nick raises his eyebrows. The vodka is making his head a little fuzzy, but really all he wants to do is convince Jeff that he's perfect just as he is. He can't do that if Jeff isn't completely sure he's okay with this. Well, there's one surefire way to make that happen.

"Jeff, since we're doing confessions, I have one too."

Wow, that came out easily. This alcohol thing has its merits.

Jeff looks at him, surprised.

"You can tell me," He states confidently, like he wasn't just baring his soul to his best friend.

_Now or never._

"I'm bisexual. I mean, that's what I'm starting to think."

Wow, so it's out.

It's out, and Jeff knows, and it feels so awesome to be able to lay it all out to another person that Nick suddenly feels ten pounds lighter.

Jeff takes his hand and squeezes it, smiling widely at him.

"Awesome. More of you to go around." He grins.

Nick's hand feels warm in Jeff's. He knows that this is when he should say something, bring everything to the table and tell Jeff that it's him, it's only ever been him. Unfortunately, his mouth seems to freeze up the second Jeff touched him. There's no way he can tell him.

All of a sudden, the whole thing seems stupid, Jeff doesn't want him, why would he? They're best friends, have been since they were thirteen, and Nick knows that this isn't something he can ever stand to lose.

So instead of doing what he really wants to do, which is show Jeff exactly how okay with this recent development, Nick lies back down on the bed and turns the conversation back to Jeff.

"Can you tell me how you knew? Was there anyone who caught your eye, or whatever?" Nick swallows, he really doesn't want to hear this. He isn't even sure why he asked in the first place, his tongue is apparently a traitor.

"Yeah," Jeff says. "It's kind of embarrassing though."

He snuggles further into Nick's side.

"I've pretty much been in love with David for a year now."

_Ah._

Nick's always liked David, he gets on with him well and thinks he's generally a pretty cool guy. Right now, however, he just wants to throw David through a window.

Something tells him this behaviour is a bit irrational.

"Nick, say something, you're making me nervous," Jeff chuckles. "I know... it's weird. He's like, super straight. Trust me to fall for the straight boys. How about you? If you don't mind me asking."

Nick has a sudden urge to bang his head against a wall.

"No one in particular," he says. "Just, you know... I've been noticing people around and just...yeah. Noticing."

He's pretty sure that's the first time he's ever lied to Jeff to his face before.

The next morning, Jeff tells him that he's going to come out to everyone else, and Nick can't bring himself to feel anything but pride.

He wishes he had Jeff's courage, his confidence in the world.

Maybe he'll tell people soon, but the problem is, people at Dalton talk. And they have parents who talk - parents who know his parents.

Nick knows his family.

Unpleasant things like bisexuality were never talked about, because something like that just can't exist.

Not in their perfect little world.


	3. Yeah You Know That I Adore You

So, apparently people actually like this! \o/

I'm sorry for the huge gap between chapters. As a wise man once said, procrastination is the enemy of success. And by god, do I know that.

I'd like to thank anyone who has reviewed this, you guys are amazing. I've had some absolutely lovely reviews, and to be honest they're really what made me want to keep going with this after all this time. So thank you lovely people! And thank you Felecia for yelling at me over AIM when i get lazy xox 36

Here goes!

* * *

><p>The next month goes by far too slowly. Jeff stays true to his word and comes out to their friends, letting the word spread around the school instead of making a huge announcement. Everybody's great with it, just as Nick knew they would be, and Jeff seems a lot happier.<p>

Nick's proud of him. He really is.

He's very, very happy for Jeff. He's happy that Jeff can be himself; he's happy that Jeff is able to explore that part of himself.

He's happy when Jeff gets asked out by three guys in one week.

Yeah. He really is.

Nick's not sure how he gets through the next few months. He knows Jeff's trying to figure himself out, come into his own, and Nick's trying to be a good friend. It's hard though, because he's the one Jeff comes to when it doesn't work out with some boy. He's also the one Jeff comes to when it does work out and he gets to hear all about Jeff's first kiss with Ryan one night after a date. Nick smiles for him and gets excited, because that's what Jeff wants from him. That's what best friends do for each other. He can't sleep that night and for days he can't shake the frustration that Jeff's first kiss wasn't with him.

He feels stupid when he thinks that. Why would it ever be with him? He's just Jeff's best friend, that's all he's ever going to be. He's nothing special, not like these guys Jeff seems to want. He's not as outgoing or friendly, he's not an awesome singer and he can never seem to get things right.

He's just Jeff's best friend, Nick.

Just before December, a new kid turns up in their year.

Blaine Anderson is funny, friendly, gorgeous and a little on the quiet side. He's also the only boy other than Jeff that Nick has ever looked twice at.

It takes Blaine a couple of months to settle into life at Dalton. Nick isn't sure what the curly-haired boy's story is, but he's heard rumors that Blaine had a hard time at his old school. Nick doesn't ask any questions, people come to Dalton for a lot of different reasons, some of them good and some of them bad.

Blaine has this charisma, this power that draws people to him, and that's what Nick blames when he starts feeling butterflies whenever Blaine's around him. He really doesn't expect anything to come of it, not when Blaine's still so quiet and withdrawn and Nick doesn't even know if Blaine's gay.

Wes and David seem to have an idea that he is. Nick thinks that maybe they know something he doesn't. He sits next to Blaine in World History, so he at least gets to talk to him every few days. He finds out that Blaine came from Columbus and that he likes musicals and top forty music. He also has ridiculously attractive eyes that Nick can't look right at or he gets all mixed up and looks like a dick.

After a month or two, Blaine starts to come out of his shell. He joins the Warblers and turns out to be really good, so good, in fact, that Wes starts giving him solos. Nick's more than a little jealous, but he likes watching Blaine sing.

One day at lunch, they're sitting together and Blaine asks Nick if he wants to go to see a movie sometime. Nick blushes, swallows, and says yes before he can even think about it.

He convinces himself that it isn't a date. That idea is shot to hell when he talks to Wes later and finds out that yes, it is actually a date and Blaine's been trying to ask him out for weeks. Nick just stares at them.

"And you guys told him I was gay...?" he asks slowly.

Wes shrugs. "We told him we're pretty sure you just haven't figured it out yet. He was the one that made the decision to ask you."

Nick can't even begin to figure out what to say to that.

Blaine was awesome, funny and confident. Nick knew he should be over the moon that this gorgeous boy was interested in him at all. Well, he was over the moon about that, but it's hard to remember that when he's sitting in the choir room with Jeff and he's laughing ridiculously hard over the way Jeff's dancing to their latest routine like he's in Riverdance and throwing him a wink.

It's even harder to remember that when they're in their dorm room and Jeff's fallen asleep against his shoulder during a movie and his hair smells so, so good...

Yeah. Blaine's great.

Nick's just really liking what Jeff's got going here. And at the moment, Jeff's actually single for once and they're spending a lot of time together.

Sometimes, Nick has no idea why he doesn't just tell Jeff how he feels, lay it all out on the table. Then he looks over at Jeff, smiling and laughing as he kicks Nick's ass at Mario Kart, and Nick remembers that there is no way in hell he can ever jeopardize what they already have. Jeff is the only constant thing in his life, the only thing that makes any sense, and Nick will deal with the pain for as long as he has to as long as it means he can have Jeff in his life, the way they are right now.

Blaine and Nick have a good first date. They go to see 2012, which is pretty crap, to be honest, and Nick misses Jeff's constant commentary and jokes in his ear. They have dinner afterwards, and Blaine wants to pay, which makes Nick feel... well, awkward and nervous. He really, really likes Blaine though, so he pushes the nerves down and makes a decision to kiss Blaine outside the dorms when they get back on campus. Blaine sighs into his mouth and cups his cheek, and Nick forgets he ever felt nervous at all.

His heart starts to beat crazy fast, It never felt like this when he was kissing girls. Blaine's lips are soft but insistent, he smells awesome and Nick feels like he's forgetting how to breathe.

Breathing was never that important anyway, right?

Nick realises that he's probably supposed to be kissing Blaine back, and he brings his hands up to tangle in Blaine's curls. This is so much better than he'd ever imagined. He can taste coffee on Blaine's lips before the other boy pulls away and smiles at him sheepishly.

"I had a really good time tonight." Blaine says, and Nick nods, not quite sure how to respond.

Blaine and Nick date for a month before things start to heat up. One night, they go out to dinner and Nick finds himself in the back seat of Blaine's car with his hand on the front of Blaine's jeans and his mouth fused to the other boy's, not quite sure how it happened. Nick gasps and pulls back, eyes confused and lips red. "Blaine," he breathes out, still half rubbing himself against the other boy. "This is a bad idea."

Blaine whines and pulls him down, kissing him hard. "I know." He says, fighting to still the movement of Nick's hips. Nick stops and moves off Blaine, still panting slightly. Blaine's not meeting his eyes and Nick sits back and waits for the other boy to say what's on his mind.

"Nick. I need you to tell me something. And I need you to be honest, okay?"

Nick blinks at Blaine, looking at him with questioning eyes. He's surprised when Blaine takes his hand.

"Uh... yeah sure, what's on your mind?"

When Blaine speaks, it's the last thing Nick expects.

"Nick... do you... like... Jeff?"

Nick's heart stops. Because he's been so careful, no one has ever noticed anything before. Is he that obvious? Or is Blaine just looking closer than anyone else?

Blaine's eyes fill with a mixture of sadness and resignation, and Nick wants to kiss him despite everything. "Why haven't you just told him? He's gay, you have a good chance."

Nick looks down at their joined hands. "No, I don't," he says simply.

Blaine swallows loudly. "Why not?" He's picking at the material of his pants under his fingers, and Nick feels like a complete dick for a long while. He sits still, looking away from Blaine and flicking the radio off.

"He doesn't want me. He wants David, or Ryan, or whoever the most recent guy is." Anyone but me.

Blaine looks at him with pity in his eyes, and Nick almost gets out of the car. He doesn't need Blaine to pity him, doesn't want that from anyone. He's not sure why they're having this conversation, it hurts and it just sucks so badly.

"You know, I don't think you have too much to worry about." Blaine says with a small smile. "If it helps at all, he's... Jeff's a smart guy, he's pretty sure of himself. He doesn't seem like the sort of person to just give it all away to anyone. I think he's just finding out who he is... maybe?"

Nick lets out a short, cynical laugh. "I wouldn't know. We don't talk about that stuff."

"I thought you guys talked about like, everything."

"Not that. We used to... It got too hard for me to hear, if you must know. We did for a while, then I guess he noticed I didn't like talking about it. He stopped telling me things. Which is how... how I like it."

Nick feels stifled, the heating in the car suddenly way too high as his head spins. "I... I need to go, Blaine," he forces out, opening the door and closing his eyes in relief as the cool air rushes over him.

Blaine just sits there, looking at his knees, nodding in understanding. "Yeah, cool, Nick. I'll see you tomorrow."

It isn't until Nick's walking up to his dorm that he realises that he just walked out on Blaine during what was technically a date. Feeling like a horrible, horrible person, he pulls out his phone.

Nick: Sorry I just walked out, I hope tonight wasn't too shitty for you. Thanks for listening, you really helped a lot.

Blaine: I won't pretend it was the best date ever, but I'm glad I could help. Are you okay?

Nick: Yeah. I will be. you're just the first person I've talked to about this.

Blaine: I'm here to listen whenever you need me.

Nick reads the last text as he turns into the hallway where his dorm is, but he's not the only one still up. Jeff's being held up against the wall next to the door, Alex's hands all fucking over him. He's making these little sounds against Alex's lips as they kiss, sighs and gasps, and Nick just knows that Alex is touching him. His stomach drops, he wants to be sick, he wants to go over there and rip Alex the fuck off Jeff and pound his fists into his face.

He wants this all to just stop.

What he does is turn around, pick up his phone and send Blaine a last text.

Nick: Are you still up?

Blaine: Just getting into bed, why?

Nick doesn't answer, he just walks to Blaine's room and storms in, eyes hard and dark.

"I I know I said I can't do this, and I shouldn't. But I just had to see Jeff getting jerked off by Alex fucking Bryant and I want to know, do you still think we can give this a shot?"

"Wow, Nick...are you okay?" Blaine stands up and walks towards him, and hand coming out to rest on Nick's shaking shoulder.

"Yeah," Nick crosses the room and sits on Blaine's bed, head down, silent. No, I'm not okay. What would ever possess you to think that I'll ever be okay again. "I'm..." he begins. "No. It sucks. This all just sucks. I think it'll be okay, I convince myself that we'll be okay, just as friends. But then something like this happens, or he goes out with another guy..." Nick can feel tear prickling his eyes and he tries to blink them away.

Blaine sits down beside him and pits a comforting hand on his back. "I... I know that I've never been through anything like this, and I don't know first hand what you're going through. But I can see that this hurts. And I...I wish I could do something to help."

Nick looks up, eyes meeting Blaine's fucking perfect hazel ones. Blaine is really, really gorgeous. Nick's not stupid, he can see that. He can also see the way Blaine looks at him, the adoration, the promise.

God, why couldn't I have just fallen in love with you instead?

He swallows and takes a breath. Blaine's hand is close to his on the bed. Nick takes it and runs his thumb over Blaine's palm. "Blaine?"

"Yeah?" Blaine's voice, usually confident, is breathless and slightly shaky.

"I know this is new for you... and it's new for me too if you want to go into details.." Nick swallows. "Blaine... I'd really like to give this a shot. If you want to." He looks up at the other boy's face, seeing the uncertainty.

Blaine's struggling with himself, his face open, unguarded.

"I...I think that would be okay," he says.

Nick squeezes Blaine's hand. "I'll understand if you don't want to... You know how I feel about Jeff and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon."

The next thing Nick knows, he's drawing in a sharp gasp as Blaine leans in and presses their lips together.

Fuck.

Blaine pulls off after a while and Nick reluctantly pulls his fingers out of Blaine's hair, not even sure when they got in there. He isn't sure what to say, he can't shake the image of Jeff and Alex, he can't get the sounds Jeff was making out of his head and the pain is dimmed, but it's still there. He shouldn't be using Blaine like this, but Blaine just feels so right, so amazing, and he said he wants this, so Nick takes Blaine's hands and pulls him over to the bed. He sits, still holding Blaine's hand. "C'mere..." he says, leaning in and closing the distance between them again.

Blaine's lips press softly, moving over Nick's gently - like he's too scared to push too hard, to scare Nick away. Nick can't stand it. He wants the pictures out of his head, and the the shiver that rushes through him as he swipes his tongue across Blaine's lower lip is getting somewhere towards making that happen. Blaine's tongue darts out to meet his as he lets out a groan, hands suddenly on Nick's shoulders as he pushes him back against the bed. Nick goes willingly, biting down on Blaine's lower lip as he hits the blankets. He finds his hands at the front of Blaine's shirt, tugging inexpertly at buttons that eventually come away to reveal dark skin and course hair. His hands skate over hot skin, Blaine's skin feeling weird under his fingers. Nick can't wrap his head around the fact that he's touching another person like this, that Blaine's kissing him hard and enjoying it, if the way he's sighing into Nick's mouth is anything to go by. Nick finds his lips pulling away, sliding over Blaine's neck and shoulder, the other boy's hands fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. He sits up, breath coming short as he lets Blaine push the shirt over his shoulders.

Blaine's hand is pressing against the front of his jeans when Nick's eyes suddenly fly open. He can't fucking do this. His stomach feels tight, he feels sick, and like a complete jerk. He shifts back, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he looks at Blaine. "I..." is all he can say.

Blaine nods, sad, but understanding. "You can't. I know. It's okay, Nick."

Nick lies down on the bed and lets Blaine pull him close, the other boy's touch softer now, less insistent. He falls asleep slowly, and even then it's a fitful sleep.

He dreams about Jeff.

Back in the dorm, Jeff has been texting Nick all night and then the texts stop and he can't sleep. He's feeling weird and he isn't sure why. Jeff has no idea what's going on with his head. Why can't he stop thinking about what Nick and Blaine together? It's not like he's jealous or anything, I mean, Blaine was hot but he's not really into him like that, and it's not like he has feelings for Nick or anything, right?

...Right.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

He does.

He wants Nick.

He wants Nick.

His super awesome, super attractive best friend Nick who is currently out on a date Blaine Anderson - gorgeous, super confident Blaine, who Jeff had told Nick he should go on a date with.

Suddenly, Jeff feels like the biggest idiot on the planet.


End file.
